Patience, when the heart is breaking

Friday, 12 November

There is still no word from Leonard or Luke. Or from Alex, for that matter. But, although our separation is quite literally killing me, I realise that I must be patient and endure exile for a little longer.

I am still waiting for Leonard to honour his promise and deliver his next lesson to me, but I fear that Luke may have taken the reigns from Leonard for this final lesson. I miss Luke so very much and thoughts of him cloud every second of my day. I understand now that he is more extraordinary than I had ever realised. His body is beautiful but his immortal soul is the most precious lapis on this earth. It is as perfectly preserved as my rose and it will never wither and die. I have been blessed by him and I will grow more like him each day because my soul has been anointed with his celestial blood. And the current separation between us is part of the educational process; Luke is demonstrating, albeit in the cruellest way, the significance of our relationship and the physical cost of our separation. But this lesson is becoming increasingly harder to bear - the pains are worsening by the day and I am losing weight dramatically, I am constantly thirsty, the skin on my chest and arms is sallow and cold and I cannot get warm, but I have my strength and I am not feverish and so I know that I am not ill. I realise that I have a dependency on Luke, aside from our love for each other, that needs attending to.