Sunday, 1 November
It is 4am and I am still awake. The front room is a mess but I can’t bring myself to tidy up or go to bed. I am just lying on the floor with my laptop and pouring the events of the day onto this blog. My precious blog. The meticulous record of the putrefaction of my sanity and soul.
A few hours ago I put the clock in the front room back for daylight saving time and as I wound the clock and watched the minutes unwind I honestly felt like I was artificially erasing the time. And in doing so I was erasing my past. One full hour for one full year. It feels as though time has stood still and the world is waiting for me to act before it can progress to the next hour, the next minute, the next second. The sense of anticipation is unbearable but I do not understand what I am expected to do.
I am grateful that I have you, dear void, to ramble into because if I voiced recent events to my family or friends then they would think that I am insane. And yet there is so much that I have not told you. I realise now that I should have been less cautious with these blog posts because if you could see the entire picture then you would appreciate why I am so shaken. I should write about the stories that Luke has told me, particularly the mythical ones that he has related to me time and time again. These stories are more deeply engrained in me than the biblical passages that I have studied for years. I will give you one example of these stories and you can judge for yourself whether I have good reason to be concerned...
In the first days there were a number of divine spirits that were known as ’those who are continually awake’ and these spirits were instructed by the supreme gods to roam the black land and live alongside the first humans in order to teach them how to develop, reproduce and thrive. These spirits grew fond of humanity and they taught them many things, but when the humans in their care began to age and die the spirits were horrified and they petitioned the gods and begged them to bestow the gift of immortality upon humanity. Unfortunately the gods rejected the spirits’ demands and they insisted that humans were naturally sinful and therefore they must inhabit mortal bodies and live as lesser, imperfect creatures.
Infuriated by what they considered to be the egotistical vanity of the gods, the spirits sought to create a new, hybrid strain of humanity that was resistant to aging and death and so they had relations with the women of the earth during which the human and celestial lifeblood was combined. The first born of this union were tall, powerful giants who transcended their humanity in every way, but their unnatural appearance attracted the attention of the gods and each one of these pure-borns was slaughtered. Seeing that the unusual appearance of the pure-borns had angered the gods, the spirits realised that the physical appearance of their human charges must remain unchanged and they could not interfere with the ageing process, so they adjusted their approach and continued their efforts by attempting to preserve the essence - the soul and intelligence - of the individual and preventing it from being purged from the earth along with the body after death.
The spirits began to impart their divine knowledge to their most-beloved human charges and they taught them a number of magical techniques, all on the understanding that these magicians kept their activities secret and they did not attract the attention of the gods. Amongst these magical techniques was a deification ritual that promised to immortalise the magician’s soul and protect it from dissolution following the death of the physical body so that it could be born again into a new mortal body, but unfortunately the magicians’ attempts to perform these rituals were unsuccessful due to the inability of the human body to accommodate and sustain a newly-restored immortal soul. The spirits understood that the magicians must undergo significant physical advancements in order to prepare them to be a vessel for an immortal soul and in order to achieve this another synthesis of the human and divine must take place.
Since the first attempt to create a human-divine synthesis had such disastrous consequences, the spirits chose to evade the notice of the gods by imparting their divine essence through transmission rather than procreation and they sought to directly infuse the physical bodies of the magicians with their celestial blood. The blood of the spirits contained an intense concentration of the divine essence - i.e. the vitalizing spark that gives us life - and although a small amount of this divine essence could also be found in human blood, celestial blood contained a highly concentrated quantity and it possessed life-giving and healing properties that had a massively transformative effect upon the human body. The presence of celestial blood within the human body was found to strengthen the body sufficiently to withstand the process of deification and allow it to accommodate an immortal soul and, most importantly, the transmission process did not result in a change to the outward, physical appearance of the magician and therefore it did not attract the attention of the gods.
Once the human body had been strengthened by celestial blood and the magician had completed the necessary magical preparations, the magician then performed the final stage of the deification ritual which involved removing himself from the natural cycle of life and death, or ‘disrupting the heavenly design’. This was achieved by removing the soul from the body before the allotted time of death that was preordained by the gods, thereby tethering the magician’s soul to the earth so that it would not ascend or descend in the natural way after death (much in the same way that the Greek aoroi and biaiothanatoi were created). Once this deification ritual had been completed, the magician’s soul was considered to be truly immortal and his soul would be restored once again to his physical body by the spiritual powers that were under his command and the magician would continue to live a normal life. When the magician’s physical body eventually expired – through old age, illness or injury - his immortal soul would not dissolve into the soil of the earth or be subjected to the will of the gods, but it remained fixed to the physical plane where it would be born again into human flesh. The magician’s soul would be born into a new physical body, but he retained his individual consciousness, memories and all the knowledge that he had acquired in his former life and all the lives that had gone before and this process of death-rebirth could be repeated ad infinitum until the magician’s immortal soul had achieved a level of intellectual knowledge and spiritual power that was equal to the gods.
The magicians who had successfully completed this ritual eventually became self-sufficient and, under the watchful eye of the spirits, they began to teach the deification techniques to others and share the celestial blood amongst themselves. And there were a number of reasons for why this continual transmission of knowledge and blood was essential for their survival. An immortal soul was a heavy weight for the human body to sustain and the body would naturally seek to reject it, therefore it was essential that the magician maintained a high level of celestial blood in his system at all times to act as an amniotic fluid to provide continual nourishment for the immortal soul. The magicians who attempted to live without access to celestial blood suffered terribly and they lived a wretched existence of poor health and infirmity. Some of them even sought to placate their sufferings with the inferior divine essence that is found in human blood and they became terrible monsters that thrived off humanity in the worst possible way. Therefore, in order to ensure that a safe and readily-available supply of the celestial blood was to-hand, the magicians established close networks of individuals who studied the magical deification rituals together and shared the blood amongst themselves. The magicians created these networks by identifying individuals who were worthy of receiving the celestial blood and undergoing the deification process and they would take these individuals under their wing and mentor them in the same way that they were once instructed. The group would also form a strong psychic bond that served to identify each other once they had been reborn into a new body (an - often sickly - child would be ‘reawakened’ or ‘resurrected’ by a member of the network when they reached a suitable age and their true identity would be restored to full consciousness).
Some of these immortal magicians still survive to this day and they are hidden amongst us in the modern age. They continue to engage in the transmission and educational process, they uphold the divine bloodline and their faces change and their bodies age and die, but their immortal soul endures, hiding from the heavens in a transient, human body. They are like skipping stones on the face of the earth. These individuals are typically very ‘worldly-wise’ and keen to absorb information about the ever-changing world around them, they usually have many skills and talents (they may, for example, speak several languages or play several instruments), they live very much ‘for the now’ and they do not care for possessions or long-term personal gain, they have few friends and family and they do not fear death.
Many of these magicians choose solitary lives and they hide themselves away in dead-end jobs so that they do not attract the attention of the gods, but once in a while a particularly brave or ambitious immortal steps out of the shadows and seeks to make a name for himself. One of these ambitious individuals was a charismatic young magician known to us by the name of Jesus Christ. Jesus intended to fulfil the vision of the divine spirits and free the worthiest amongst us from the shackles of our mortality by showing us how to achieve eternal life and transcend the curse of death that is meted out by the gods as punishment for submitting to the desires of our human natures. He learned the ancient techniques of deification and made the transition from man to god by studying these magical deification rituals, achieving an authoritative command over the spirits of the divine, the demonic and the dead and preparing his physical body for the reception of his newly-immortal soul by engaging in a communal exchange involving the reception and transmission of the celestial blood. Jesus complied with the spirits’ warnings about attracting the attention of the gods and he kept his exact methods secret, but he also disseminated his divine knowledge to a close network of twelve novices who studied his teachings, learned how to command the spirit world and shared in his special blood communion so that they could nourish and support one another. The twelve went on to follow in Jesus’ footsteps and Jesus had successfully expanded his network to seventy individuals by the time of his arrest, however it is not clear how many of the seventy succeeded in carrying out the deification rituals and making the necessary transition.
In order to achieve the immortalisation of his soul, Jesus overcame his fears and doubts on the cross and he placed his trust in his absolute authority over the spirit world and performed the ultimate show-death for the creation of the most powerful biaiothanatos, after which his newly-reborn soul was restored to his physical body in the tomb and he secured his place amongst the immortals who walk on the earth and continue to do so to this day. The teacher who taught Jesus these techniques and first shared the celestial blood with him was - as many of the immortals continue to be - the silent man in the background of the story who played the largest role. He is unnamed but he has many names. He was greatly loved by Jesus, he stood by his side at all times and he was responsible for restoring Jesus’ newly-immortal soul to his physical body in the tomb. He was not an angel or a lover, as many believe him to be. And in order to ensure that these teachings were widely disseminated and the network could continue to grow, he recorded the events of Jesus’ life and wrote his own testimony of events, his own instruction manual, his own The Omega Course...
There is so much more that Luke has taught me, but these are the basics for now and I am in danger of revealing too much. I have questioned Luke’s sanity many times and I came to the conclusion a few months ago that he is a fantasist who has ensnared me in his fantasies because I am so unashamedly besotted with him and I will do anything that he asks of me. But each time I make a flippant comment about these stories or I tease him about our activities he is quick to scold me and he insists that I take him seriously. This is clearly not a game to him. And I cannot doubt that the words and rituals that he has taught me are effective and I have experienced some significant changes to my physical body as a result, so I am not sure where reality ends and fantasy begins anymore. I’m sorry if I sound a little crazy but, reflecting upon today’s events and everything that Luke has taught me to date, I’m starting to doubt whether any of this originated in the overactive imagination of a dance student. I’m beginning to wonder whether Luke’s stories are not fictitious whimsy but rather a historical record of events and I have not been entertained with wild fantasies but rather programmed with a set of very important instructions.
The implications of this are too immense for me to grasp at the moment, but I know one thing for certain - if I could convince Luke to write these stories down then the world would have itself a new Gospel.